Tonight is one of those anxious nights again. You know, when you have a feeling something bad is going to happen…but not sure what…
I have been having a lot of these lately. The anxiety has been there in my past but never as abundant as recently. I’m trying to search myself, my mind and soul, retracing the steps of today to pinpoint where this feeling started.
Each time I’m taken back to this morning as I texted my ex boyfriend to remind him that it’s our 1 month “breakaversary”. Please, before thinking how strange that might sound, I DO know that it’s weird! But everything is still a process for me, dealing with issues I never thought I had to deal with 🙂 and that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, so after the message he replies with a “LOL” and a “No wonder I feel so good”. Needless to say, I felt so useless again. I still can’t understand how someone throws someone else away, like rubbish…just like that. And I realise that’s it, that is where this anxious feeling started today. Anxious that I will never be needed, wanted, loved by someone I gave everything to. Anxious that even though I still love him so much, this love he doesn’t deserve, will never go away. Anxious of what lies ahead, every time I have to see him.
- 1.a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.“he felt a surge of anxiety”
So how to deal?
I have no clue. Have you seen the movie Cake before? Jennifer Aniston’s role was brilliant and I can associated myself so much with her character, though our situations are different. I guess you deal with anxiety through patience. Lots of research. Like lots. You might have an anxiety disorder and you don’t know. And then there needs to be a few good friends that’s able to listen. Day by day. And by no means is it going to be easy, right?
Read more by clicking on the links below regarding anxiety:
– Why am I anxious all the time and what’s the best way to cope with it
– 12 Signs you may have an anxiety disorder
*PS. Just to make it clear, the ex is not a bad person in general. But the things he did and do and does has affected me and totally blew my world apart, and as I seek my inner strength and self-acceptance, he will be mentioned a lot. If you understand what ‘life traps‘ are, you might understand better why he did what he did and does what he does. But ultimately, the blog is about my life of course, and not his. So let’s leave it there.