Dear Mr. Black Hole, Can You Just Stop?

Echoes of black holes…This illustration shows a glowing stream of material from a star as it is being devoured by a supermassive black hole in a tidal disruption flare. Supermassive black holes, with their immense gravitational pull, are notoriously good at clearing out their immediate surroundings by eating nearby objects. When a star passes within a certain distance of a black hole, the stellar material gets stretched and compressed — or “spaghettified” — as the black hole swallows it. A black hole destroying a star, an event astronomers call “stellar tidal disruption,” releases an enormous amount of energy, brightening the surroundings in an event called a flare. In recent years, a few dozen such flares have been discovered, but they are not well understood. Astronomers now have new insights into tidal disruption flares, thanks to data from our Wide-field Infrared Survey Explorer (WISE). Two new studies characterize tidal disruption flares by studying how surrounding dust absorbs and re-emits their light, like echoes. This approach allowed scientists to measure the energy of flares from stellar tidal disruption events more precisely than ever before. Flares from black holes eating stars contain high-energy radiation, including ultraviolet and X-ray light. Such flares destroy any dust that hangs out around a black hole. But at a certain distance from a black hole, dust can survive because the flare’s radiation that reaches it is not as intense. Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech #nasa #space #blackhole #star #astrophysics #blackholes #universe #explore

A photo posted by NASA (@nasa) on Sep 18, 2016 at 9:21am PDT

 

Just saw this on Instagram. How amazing the universe is. And it made me think…and here comes my metaphorical contribution regarding my life.

This weekend I found out another truth about D-Vader that broke me a little…or should I say again. I should stop torturing myself I know…but can I not at least expect honesty? You are like this black hole, and I am like the star. You swallowed me slowly but surely over the years and it’s left me without my sparkle. All that is left is star dust…Do stars even reform with the dust that’s left? I hope so.

This short little letter is for you D-Vader. I will probably never show him, but it can help me direct my feelings in the right way, instead of confronting him on it and thus making my life a living hell again, because I know he don’t really listen.

——-

Dear D-Vader
I wish you could just be honest. You have nothing to loose do you? Why do you tell me you left me, because you DON’T want to be in a relationship, just to go find someone else, someone younger, on Tinder. You took her on a “date” already. The same girl that thought you where so cool. I saw her photo…she is so pretty, but are you sure you are not looking for me in someone else? I look at her and think “could I have shined so bright, if I could do what I want, if you have let me?” She has piercings and tattoos everywhere. I remember you telling me to take out my eyebrow ring because you felt it “subtracted from my beauty”. I remember thinking, how strange because you should love me non the less, but I removed it out of respect for you. I remember you always telling me you like tattoos but because I don’t have money, you will not let me get any. And I thought, ok well cool, lets spend money then where it’s needed…and then I will most likely buy you something with the money anyways. I read how you complement her on her face, fully contoured and I remember how you always told me you like me without makeup…you liked me the way I am. I can count the times you told me I’m beautiful with makeup, on my two hands. I change my hair into what I have always wanted colour wise (blond pink and purple because yes I’m weird) and you look at me like you want to throw up…I see how she dresses and then remember how you where always telling me that I can’t wear this or that because it “shows too much”. With everything almost hanging out, do you like that she has so much confidence? Is that how you see it? Do you respect that? I just don’t understand D-Vader.

Your sister says she looks like she is high-maintenance. You tell your sister she has too much baggage and you don’t think it will go much further, and then you still message her and tell her you miss her and you want to see her? What do you expect? Who doesn’t have baggage caused by someone else? Do you even KNOW how much baggage you left me with? Do you know how hard it is for me to look at you and know that I’m not good enough even after giving you everything? Do you even know how broken you left me? What girl doesn’t deserve attention or being treated right or being spoilt? What is high-maintenance?

According to the Urban Dictionary this is the description:
“If you have to put effort into wooing her as a true gentleman should, be lucky that you’ve snagged yourself a hot attractive high maintenance woman“.

I’ve never felt like I am high maintenance. Maybe I should have. All I wanted was for you to SHOW you loved me. But with you it would never have worked because if something is TOO MUCH EFFORT then why bother. It was too much effort for you to even like something on Facebook I would post for you, much less treat me like the princess you once said I am…and I think back to where your sister told me I love you too much…I’m too obsessed with you. Yeah maybe I was. But when I love, I love FOR REAL. I don’t love half-heartedly. Why waist time then at all?

With all your lies and deceit and “too much effort to love” attitude you now want to get to know someone better, that you feel sorry for, because you feel she should have been treated better by her ex, and you wish you could show her how a guy should truly treat a lady, how it feels to be wooed…because you are a gentleman?

(What? Did you read that right? Yeah guys, you did.)

At the end of the day I just wish you could stop being so hypocritical. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to other people. The wolf in me wants to rip your heart out and show you how black it is. But it’s ok. If this is how you are with me, it would be like that with someone else, unless you really start working on yourself. I wish the girl (or girls) all the best. Stop stealing starlight.

——–

That’s it for now. Never be made to feel that you are too much effort in anyone’s life. Stop thinking you don’t deserve the best.

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