I have wanted to write this for some time. The research I have done on this has been quite eye opening and yet, having dated D-Vader for some time, it still made me doubt myself and my sanity, wondering if it wasn’t just all me…after all this time.
So first, what is Narcissism? Wikipedia will explain:
Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s own attributes. The term originated from Greek mythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Narcissism is a concept in psychoanalytic theory, which was popularly introduced in Sigmund Freud‘s essay On Narcissism (1914). The American Psychiatric Association has had the classification narcissistic personality disorder in itsDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) since 1968, drawing on the historical concept of megalomania.
Narcissism is also considered a social or cultural problem. It is a factor in trait theory used in various self-report inventories of personality such as the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory. It is one of the three dark triadic personality traits (the others being psychopathy and Machiavellianism). Except in the sense of primary narcissism or healthy self-love, narcissism is usually considered a problem in a person’s or group’s relationships with self and others. Narcissism is not the same as egocentrism.
It’s basically D-Vader through and through, but ok, let me be fair and give some tell-tale pointers, that I got from THIS site, and then I will answer for myself whether it’s true or not based on my nearly 5 year experience with him.
- He is full of himself
GOOD THING: He has always been more extroverted than me. He also always did his research on certain topics quite well so most of the time he did know what he was talking about. And because he has a high IQ it made him inquisitive and always wanting to know and learn more. He could do anything he put his mind to. I sometimes felt so proud that I knew I could turn to him when I needed info on certain things….but
BAD THING: It led him to be overpowering. He knew he was smart. He knows all. He can do all. And he likes people to know that too. Sometimes it irritated the living daylights out of me, because even if I will differ from opinion, even when I am right about something, he will argue, leaving me just saying “OK” at the end of it all. So tiring. At any gathering or party he will always have the most to say, and always have the last say too, saying sometimes the wrong things at the expense of others.
- His needs comes first
GOOD THING: hmmm…wel according to the site, D-Vader wasn’t so bad that I never even had a choice in what movie we watch or where to eat, and he tried hard to compromise when we started living together, but it grated him thats for sure.
BAD THING: He really does want things to be done his way. And if there was any issue, it would never be his problem. Even on our anniversary, he would rather choose to go out with work friends, then spend it with me. And do I dare get upset? No i don’t!! At the end of the day, especially the last year, it was mostly a case of his way or the highway.
- Blames me for everything
GOOD THING: He would say sorry sometimes and own up, for example when I would find emails he wrote to his ex, or find dodgy conversations between him and a co-worker of his…but yeah
BAD THING: This is def something I have seen more and more off. He had this manipulating way of always making me feel guilty. The story above about him going out on our anniversary? Yeah I got blamed for that. For treating him like a “bird in a cage”. Really??? Never have I ever seen a bird in a cage do just what the hell they want without thinking of the other person. “No matter how reasonable you are when you try to discuss your issues, he will find a way to make the problems all about you.” It always came back to me. Im too “this” or “that”. Not smart enough. Not neat enough. Not skinny enough. I push him to do all the wrong things…glory I can actually just go on and on. Most arguments would end with “It just shows that you don’t know me at all”.
- Lacking empathy
GOOD THING: D-Vader did care in certain ways, even if he wouldn’t really say it in so many words. He tried hard to help where he can, give financial advise, feel sorry for people going through hard times..but
BAD THING: He didn’t care long though. With a snap of his mental finger he could change how he feels and what he thinks about people or situations. He was really harsh. On many things and many people, even his family will go through his verbal wrath he had about them. He just couldn’t care less. Little things like even asking for help with making food, I would just get a “I don’t want to, do as you please, it’s your job”…not caring any less if he said hurtful things.
Well that’s just 4 points. There is another site to go check out. It has 15 signs to show if the person you love is a narcissist. Fun reading indeed!
So gathering all I have been through, all I have seen and experienced…taking in consideration the good points too, I would say I dated a 90% narcissistic butthole. Why did I love him? Because I love. And I give it my all. I tried.
And he made me believe he should be loved like he was some sort of Greek god.