Glory, 2017 is around the corner. I’m over 2016, like everyone else I suspect. Like “build a bridge and burn it down when you get over it” over. 2016 you bastard. What have I done to you hey? WHAT? It all started so well, and then you dropped me into blistering darkness when I least expected it. Just like my relationship with D-Vader haha, how ironic.
I’m reading this —> 17 Things To Let Go Of In 2017
8. Let go of people who make you feel like you have to change in order to be loved by them.
I guess change isn’t a bad thing. There is a couple of things I would like to change in 2017, like change my eating habits, change my procrastinating habits of just sitting at home. Hang out with family and friends more. Start drawing and painting again. All these are good change. It ties in nicely with no.9 on the list.
9. Let go of your passivity, of the tendency to watch life as it happens to you instead of taking charge of it yourself.
But when you come across someone (or if they have been part of your life for nearly 5 years) and they constantly want you to change for THEM, to make THEIR life better, making you think they will love you more IF this and IF that…then you realize there is a problem. You might not know right then and there what it is, but eventually, yes eventually you realize that it is NOT you.
I was stuck in the mindset of always needing to change, work on things, be better, for him. Not sure now how it helped at all. It was never noticed or appreciated anyway. And for what? All that trouble just to end up heart broken? Because he had issues he didn’t deal with?
And I realize I should probably have been the one that ended the relationship but I was stuck. I didn’t want to let go of the loneliness and sadness that I was stuck in for a VERY long time. That “addiction problem” I talked about previously. Yes hahaha, I was lonely, most likely the whole 2016 (Damn you 2016). Easily would I jump at every order and command to change and be better for other reasons than myself, just to feel wanted and craving the attention. I was too passive, waiting for things to get better.
Well they never did, and now I’m here at the end of 2016 (how I despise you 2016!), and not sure what is going to happen in 2017. And thats OK too. All I know is I have to “LET GO” of a lot of things, and make some positive changes for myself. I’m still alive for goodness sake, so I’m sure I can do it.
17. Let go of toxic thoughts, toxic things, toxic people, your own toxic behavior. Focus on being kind.