So, we have all been lonely at some point in our live. Whatever the reason behind it, from my own experience I can say, it’s not a nice feeling, even more so when you are not physically alone.
Yes it’s nice to have that quality me time. I do crave it sometimes. It’s good for a person to be alone, to be able to deal with yourself and handle the lonely times when it calls, you know, just to be prepared.
But, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t learned to deal with loneliness just yet. It’s hard for me to know I still live with D-Vader, but he just isn’t “there”. If he is not out drinking and having the time of his life (yes I’m jealous) then he is at home, working, or 70% of the time, on his phone, just lying on his bed, addicted to Facebook and Google. I’m like, does he not even crave human conversation? Or am I not even good enough for that anymore.
Man…I know. I know I shouldn’t worry about it. There is no reason he should talk to me or keep me company just because I’m alone. He doesn’t owe me anything anymore. Just because my friends (no matter their age) are more mature than his, and not opting to go out and drink their lives away almost every night, being in stable relationships and choosing to be home with loved ones ect, doesn’t mean I should crave that lifestyle he has set before himself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging anyone. People need to do what they want when they feel like it, if it makes them really happy. I just think my sadness/depression/loneliness comes from the fact that even when we were dating, me as a person, was never enough for him. Other’s where always more important.
I have mentioned before that I have actually been lonely for a very long time. And it’s true. There has been many nights I sat at home like a good little girlfriend I was, making food, doing as I was told, just for him to stay away, going out with his friends, leaving me alone, not letting me know even WHY he has gone out or when he will be back. And if it wasn’t that, then he was working. He stood up working, he went to work to just come back, working (after his hour of Facebooking) sitting in his room with his earphones on. Even when he was working in the living room with me there, there was no conversations, there was no bonding. I was in all the sense of the word, LIVING ALONE.
Why I didn’t pick up a hobby (CLICK) or do something else than just sit there in front of the TV waiting for who knows what to happen, I don’t know. I think I tried to fool myself that IF I can just stay at home, with him knowing I was there, then I will show him how much I cared for him and our relationship, and he will notice. By sticking around all the time, I needed to show him that I was there for him, in hoping that I will receive the same treatment. I craved his attention so much. I just needed love (Sounds almost pathetic haha). Now only do I know, that he never really cared right? How do you care for someone that’s doing everything in their power to WORK on a relationship, when you only want to work on anything else except on what is right there in front of you.
Anyway, for anyone that suffers, or even just feel alone every now and then, here is some tips I got of the internet —->
Some new things I want to try in 2017 – not just to keep busy and/or to forget 2016, but to grow as a person and see what I’m capable off.
1. Join a bookclub – just need to find it but I want to love reading again
2. Paint more
3. Join a Roller Derby Team in my city – Be more active!
4. See new places – Already ending my year with visiting Knysa and Jeffery’s Bay thanks to this BFF and her mom
5. Want to experience more with baking pretty stuff. I’ve always love baking (not cooking) but “I never have time”. My other BBF has her own Cake business D’Lish and I will need to learn the creativity from her!!
Ok I think for now, that’s all. Don’t put too much “to do’s” on your list. Start out small and stick to it. If you like it, keep going. If not, do something different.
Here’s to kicking loneliness in it’s ugly butthole.