Slowly but surely this horrible year is coming to an end, and what a great end it will be. Why? Because I believe it 🙂 Still got a lot of learning to do, regarding myself. Grasping the fact that I’m only human, things does take time (often longer than you want), pain will come and go and sometimes hit you when you least expect it. But then you just…go to bed and wake up again to tackle the next day.
I can’t believe its almost 5 months already since D-Vader discarded my heart, love and friendship. Let me put that in caps to myself….”FIVE MONTHS!!” haha another month and then I’m hopefully halfway through all this rubbish, right? Well, I’ve checked my pulse and I’m still in the land of the living, so guess it’s not all that bad. And for some reason things has been going much better between D-Vader and me the last 2 weeks (touch wood). “Nothing to get excited about”, I keep telling myself (because I know my stupid heart). We are just really good roommates…currently. I have worked hard on my mindset regarding him and how to deal with him and it gets a little better each day. I try VERY hard to remind myself he is human too and I need to still act with love and respect even if I don’t get anything back. Which…might make it harder on me when I need to move out, but it’s OK. I will deal when the time comes and I will get through it.
I do however still need to deal with my hateful thoughts towards his sister, who totally deceived me with her kindness and caring attitude. Fine, she is his FAMILY so that’s cool and I get it. But really? Not even a “Sorry about things, I’m thinking of you”. Delete me off everything because of what? What did I do to her? I loved her, her family, her brother. I would have been there for her. I hate fake people. I hate people who hide behind their Christianity but back at the ranch it’s all about selfishness and unfairness…there is my story too you know, “but she won’t be able to handle the truth!” – queue Jack Nickolson voice, A View Good Men.
Wow. Yeah I’ve got issues. I will embrace that too. I guess I’m just really hurt by her actions. But the world doesn’t owe me anything. Whether I’m nice or not, life will happen either way. It’s not going to wait for me to get over myself.
Excuse me while I just give myself a pat on the back.
Anyway, this might be my last post for 2016 so here’s to a new year, new life, new love and…a new hope.
HAHA can’t wait for my Jedi…or Han Solo. 😀 Here is a random cool song that I just heard for the 1st time. Have a listen.
Maybe I’m foolish
Maybe I’m blind
Thinking I can see through this
And see what’s behind
Got no way to prove it
So maybe I’m blind
But I’m only human after all
I’m only human after all
Don’t put your blame on me
Don’t put your blame on me