Just another month or two. Then it’s done. Can’t say done and dusted…not sure how long it might take to shake the dust off my feet.
Things are coming to an end slowly but surely. The money I invested with D-Vader is now getting split into separate accounts. I sent the final documents through this morning. I’m thankful to D-Vader for eventually putting the ball in motion. He helped to get my money into my own account so that’s one thing I can say went smoothly.
And then again, as always, he has to ruin everything with his hurtful words.
“Ok so now you have your money and you are finally rid of me”
I was a bit shocked. Don’t know why, I should expect it of him by now, always being hurtful. So I asked him why the hostility. He said the hostility is from me, and this is what I wanted…am I not happy?
I can just laugh at his ignorance. I have not been happy about anything, is he blind? Everything that has happened since the break up has been about him, because of him, for him. I can count the things he unselfishly has done for me, and just me, on my one hand. Where has my happiness ever been considered? But nothing phases him except money. He is the one that lived on lies of dreams and hope for a future. And I just blindly followed along. Now I have paid the price.
But I have learned some big lessons. And that’s what I have to take with on this future journey. I can’t let him upset me. I have explained over and over again that he wanted me to be more independent, stop being a people-pleaser and I think I have, and not for him but for myself. Now that I stood up for myself in what I need to help me in mending my broken heart, that too is a problem for him. But if that’s the way it has to be then so be it. You can’t make people understand if they don’t want to. You can’t make them see the truth even if you show them the evidence. I loved him as he loved money. It was never about the investment but about him. If I didn’t put my foot down for once in my life, the investment and him will always be there in the back of my mind as a constant reminder that we are still connected.
I don’t really care anymore, what he, his friends or family thinks. They might not like what they read, but I have nothing to loose anymore out of this. There will be absolutely nothing I will gain by telling lies about my life and my experiences. (Just realized what I wrote haha, not loosing, not gaining…weird) This is about me. Starting over. Starting new. And most likely I will still always love him but I won’t need him like I use to do. He won’t be my everything anymore. I will take from our past relationship what I can, all the good stuff. And it’s amazing too see that even though some things still hurt, that I have made progress and hopefully there is many more new things to be done!
The first thing I’ve done is this blog which has helped me immensely with putting all my hurt and anger into a designated, focussed “project”. The second thing I’m now AT LAST starting this year is my “Fresh Meat” coarse in Rollerderby here in Pretoria. I really hope to make the team, but even if I don’t, I tried! I did something! I didn’t wait on anyone’s approval or permission.
PS: The inspirational images I posted on here, is not only for the readers benefit but for my own, and word I need to remember when it comes to how I treat others. ❤